Metaphysics.

yes, metaphysics is one of the only terms I learned from taking philosophy haha

I have no idea why, but today I’ve been pondering alot about the big questions in life. The “why are we here?”s, the “what is our purpose?”s. I’ve always grown up thinking that the answer to those are “we are here to serve God and be a light to those who don’t already follow God. We are to spread the good news so that everyone should live in eternity with our Lord and Savior.” something like that.
However, today I was thinking and I started thinking about fulfillment. Will I find fulfillment? What will it look like?
I was going to ask my dad if he found fulfillment living the life he does, but I’m sure he’d say something like “I found fulfillment by raising three great children who love the Lord and by living my life as an example for my children and for other non-believers.” or somewhere along those lines.
I’m not sure though. I don’t know how I’ll find fulfillment. I don’t even know if I will. With so many turmoils and trials, I have hope, but its not much. I think it sounds selfish, but everytime I think of living my life to shine for Christ, I don’t see a whole lot. I can’t picture myself doing any of the typical Christ-like things. Its hard to be outgoing and happy and selfless all the time. Its just hard. And a life of doing that doesn’t sound very exciting. I dunno why I see it that way, but ever since I’ve thought of life that way, I’ve thought of how nostalgic it will probably be. And is it even worth it to go through life (of course, I would never commit suicide or anything, but still) if thats the reason for living? I dunno. I just don’t know.
However, I think that one of the first steps towards finding fulfillment is realizing that your life is worth living for whatever reason it may be. Maybe your reason is to help children in Africa. Maybe its to become a politician and lead a country. Maybe its to get a job and have a family. Whatever it may be. And I think the next step is acknowledging that Christ’s path is the only path towards fulfillment. Its hard to commit an entire life, all we know of our existence, to one person. But we also know that its the best for our life.
There are a lot of things we don’t know. And I think its that fact that kills me. I don’t want to live my life doing everything for Christ and then come to and end and not feel fulfilled. I want to feel like my life was worth it. Like I did something to make a difference.
i don’t know how its going to turn out in the end, but I know I’ll find fulfillment in my own way.